Evil Relatives

borrowed from passionatescribbles.blogspot.com

I'm sure all of you have your fair share of stories on how evil your relatives are. Nobody takes the cake on how evil my mother's family is.

Yes, I will give you a background on how shitty my mother's family is.

My grandmother used to be in charge of the finances of my mother's company. She stole money from my mother. Can you imagine, stealing money from your own daughter? There must be special place in hell for people like her. I really don't know where the money went. It probably went to her youngest son, who is a BUM, or one of her daughters, the SLUT.

So evil grandmother is recently back from a hiatus in the US. She used to live there with my closet-gay uncle, who at over 50 has not yet come out. Funny thing is, everybody assumes he's gay anyway. He sent the mother back to the Philippines when gay marriages started becoming legal in the US, so go-figure. He must have an American homo waiting to marry him stuffed in a condo somewhere in San Diego. And he didn't just send evil grandmother home, he also sent home senile veteran grandfather. So the couple from hell are back in Philippine shore.

Now, evil grandmother is staying in the house of Tita SLUT, who ended up marrying Tito POBRENG BEJO. Tita SLUT is sort of stupid, because she should have just used her looks and vajudge and snatched an old rich man who is set to die, and leave her all her money. Instead, the airhead decides to marry a poor INTSIK-BEJO from the slums of Binondo. Seriously?!? The only thing Tito POBRENG BEJO is good at is stealing money. They were part of the Balajadia pyramid scam. The guy "allegedly" has multiple businesses, but seems to be hell-bent on gaining access to the measly veteran's pension of senile grandfather. He would go through extremes just to secure what is a little over US$100 a month. To the extent that he would declare the ATM of senile grandfather stolen. Imagine that?!

Evil grandmother on the other hand, probably missing the high-life in San Diego under the wing of Tito Closet-Gay, pretended she was dying and forced herself to be confined in Philippine Heart Center.

Of course, the vultures descended! All the other siblings in other parts of the world flew back to Manila to pay homage to the beautiful acting skills of evil grandmother. She miraculously recovered afterwards. Sad, the siblings thought they could start dividing their mana.

Tito BUM has a wife who went to Singapore to work, she's pretty stupid though. The only reason she's surviving Singapore with her broken English is because everybody there talks Singlish! Last I heard is she wants to quit, and she has not saved enough. By the way, she works at a 24-hour convenience store! How can you not last in a convenience store. You don't really need a college-degree for that! She wasn't able to save because Tito BUM and his stupid daughter flew to Singapore twice for vacation already. Hello!

Tito BUM should have died years ago. In one of his regular drinking sessions in their house in Quezon City, he got into an altercation with the neighbor who stabbed him. Missed his heart though. It is true what they say, ang masamang damo mahirap mamatay.

I have a tita who lives in Australia now. She used to be a doctor here in the Philippines, married another doctor. Apparently, however, just because you're an MD, and you marry one, doesn't mean you have a comfortable life. The husband's mother is... or was... even a corrupt judge, so she is... was loaded. She died recently, much to the joy of Tita MD's husband. They migrated to Australia, but Tita MD ended up working as a nurse. She's better off, because her husband ended up becoming... a BUM! Can you imagine? You're an MD in Australia, and he just stays in their house? It gets better, he doesn't just stay in the house. He surfs porn all day! How did we know? Tita MD caught some charges on his credit card for porn sites. And Tita MD doesn't get any financial assistance from this guy! He only pays for his share in the house. Talk about married bliss.

I should probably write a book on this. Maybe a television channel will pick it up as a telenovela. They're sick, really. No wonder I am anything but normal.

The Filipino family is now driven by greed, money, lust, drunken-stupor. No wonder the Philippines is 3rd world.

My sister and I are waiting for their generation to die, already. Because when my mother's generation dies, My siblings and I are on top of the heap. And what will we do? Well, we'll continue the family tradition of course. We will make sure that the stupid daughter of Tito BUM gets what she deserves. And the adopted daughter of Tita SLUT, well, I'll send her to the whorehouse, just like her mother.