I Run

borrowed from coasthillsrunningclub.com

I run.

Physically I run, but it is a manifestation of how I want to deal with issues of the heart as well. I am falling for Cityboy. So today, I decided to go out of the condo to run.

I've done this before. When I tried getting over the guy in my life from HS, I ran around the academic oval in UP. I ran almost everyday. There weren't any iPods back then, so I took joy in the ambient noise of the jeeps and cars passing by. There were times when I would bring a Discman to listen to music to help me think. I ran until the ache in my heart was replaced by the aching of muscles, and the immense sweat build up.

I forgot him.

I had to run also today, because of Cityboy. I'm not in love with him, I can't fall in love with him.

I went out of the safe haven of my condominium complex, and ran. There was no direction this time. I went straight, turned left at a corner then crossed the street. I found myself in the most unusual place. It was at the back area of my condo, right at the back of the business district, but it had turned residential. It was an old Makati that had turned into disarray. It was a Makati that was different from the side that I was used to, the side I worked in, the side I lived in. There were sari-sari stores, and cars parked on the streets.

He lived here. My feet brought me to the area where the man I was running away from lived. Having realized that, my eyes went searching for his car, for fear that I would end up in front of his house.

I wanted to get out and I ran away from that place. But I got lost. I was lost in that area, and I was afraid that one wrong turn and I would be face to face with him. My iPod was on, and the music blaring into my ears spoke of love, and it didn't help that I was trying so hard to teach my heart that it's a crime to fall in love with him.

He lived here. The place scared me. He lived there and it scared me that although it was also Makati, it is quite different from what I'm used to.

That's when it hit me. We're different.

I am with my boyfriend because we are alike in ways that would make our relationship easier to manage. We come from the same background. Our parents have about the same amount of businesses and savings. We both studied in Ateneo and ended up in UP Diliman. Cityboy studied in San Beda from GS to college.

My parents have a house in Ayala Heights, and a newly purchased house in New Manila, and they purchased a condo for me in the heart of Makati. My boyfriend lives in Ayala Heights also.

And Cityboy lived in that area that scared me.

I drove a 2010 black Pajero, and my boyfriend recently purchased a pearl white 2012 Pajero to match my car.

Its so easy for us to concentrate on our relationship because we have everything other people try so hard to work for. We just have to work on us.

If that's the case, then why did I end up along Metropolitan Avenue in Makati, with a view of my condo and Cityboy's area in the back. I stopped, and I was about to cry from the exhaustion of trying to find my way back home, yet I did not know if I wanted to head back home or to stay lost.

I went back up to the condo, but headed straight to the pool. I took a quick shower, and proceeded to the pool. I floated on my back and looked up at the sky. It had turned dark, but the sky was clear. I made sure my ears were under water so that I could hear the ripples of the pool. I went out of the pool and took a pool chair, put my iPod back on and stared at the sky.

I was there for a good hour, when I realized my head had cleared up already.

I love my life, and will not give up who and what I am to be with him.

I will stop texting him, and will only email him when necessary. I will work to fix my endorsements and look forward to being transferred to a different property, far from him. I will not work with him anymore. I will not stay in the same office as he.

I love my life and I will keep it.